If there has ever been a weird time to date, this is it.
With restaurants closed and social distancing restrictions in place, dating has become yet another frustratingly difficult activity to do amid the coronavirus pandemic. But as self- isolation causes people to feel bored, lonely and even increasingly horny, it inevitably leads many to check out new, inventive ways of finding their significant other without meeting in real life.
And virtual video dating - via FaceTime, Tinder, or Zoom - is proving to be more handy than ever. While people cannot meet face-to-face [or at least less than two metres apart], and phone or FaceTime sex is not [always] appropriate, dating apps with video functions are becoming the hottest trend of this season.
Celia Schweyer, a 34-year-old dating expert at Dating Scout, is not surprised by the increased interest in online dating. “People are social by nature, no matter how much of a homebody one may be,” she explains. “We somehow knew about the power our smartphones hold, but these trying times just demonstrated that we haven’t fully been appreciating our gadgets, yet.”
As of right now, using the video chat function as a dating medium is becoming the norm.
Hinge says 70% of its members are down for a digital date, while Bumble has seen a 35% increase in messages. This period has also seen several new coronavirus-inspired dating apps such as “Quarantine Together”. The app launched in March with the tagline “let’s flatten the curve together” and a promise to get people matched and raise money to provide frontline health care workers with masks.
In a way, these apps provide people with the chance to not give up on the idea of finding the one while in quarantine. John Doe*, a 20-year-old computer science student, prefers to use Tinder in his quest to find love. He says he is normally “a dating person” and used the app before the coronavirus outbreak.
And he hasn’t failed to notice the higher number of matches than the ones he usually gets. While the first date he had was unsuccessful because he thinks the girl was interacting with him mostly because “she was lonely”, the second girl he met with clicked with him
immediately.
When we speak, they have already been on a few dates and have started planning to go on vacations together after the situation gets better - all from his bedroom and in the space of a few weeks.
“It’s fun. Really different than a real date, you know,” John says. Currently, their favourite thing to do is watching a TV show called The Office. “We both get it up on our laptops, then Skype on our phones and shout “3... 2... 1... PLAY!”,” he says while laughing.
With each date, they are trying to be more creative, as “there isn’t a huge amount to talk about when you are not doing anything all day”. For their next date, for example, they are planning for each to buy the same ingredients and experiment cooking a meal together over Skype. “Finding an activity to do together gives us something to build a connection on, especially when it’s something neither of us has done or seen before,” he explains.
But dating in isolation comes with its challenges. For example, you no longer have an activity like ice skating or mini-golfing to use as a catalyst to talk about. “I am guilty of making a list of talking points before the call to refer back to if the conversation dries up,” continues John while blushing and hiding his face away from the camera. And don’t get him started on the struggles of finding good lighting and a neutral background!
He admits he wouldn’t have chosen to date in this way if it wasn’t for the current situation. “It’s nothing compared to meeting someone in person, but I would recommend it since it is the only other option right now,” he says.
But Lara Palmer, 22-year-old musical theatre and film graduate, says she would definitely use virtual dating even if it wasn’t for the social distancing measures in place. “Just having an extra person to talk to who is interested in you and what you have to say it’s really positive,” she says.
A month ago, she found herself in quite the situation when she went on a successful, spark-filled real-life date and immediately after had to self-isolate. Which gave them no choice, but to continue dating virtually!
“It is definitely complicated in a very different way. What went from being very casual, easy seeing each other every now and then... now we have got to think about what’s going to happen next with us throughout lockdown,” shares Lara.
She, however, considers them lucky for meeting before the pandemic, building trust and making sure they are compatible before they started FaceTiming. And believes this is somehow a blessing in disguise as it forced them to create a stronger connection than they probably would have if they were back in the real world and continued talking and seeing other people.
They have been keeping in touch with each other every day for the past month. She prepares as anyone would for a normal date - shaves her legs, puts on make-up and even perfume - orders take away, then they connect via FaceTime and start figuring out the future after quarantine - a very modern love fairytale.
“It is definitely not something that should be stopped, because it feels very natural and easy. We also don’t have to worry about each other, the logistic of getting there and what we would have to do next,” says Lara.
And she is not alone. 82% of singles have turned to online dating during early 2020 to improve health and wellness, and more than half of them said they prefer online dating to dating in person, according to a survey by dating.com.
But what long term impact will lockdown have on dating?
Does social distancing signal a new dawn for online apps and how will people feel about going back to face-to-face meet ups?
Celia, Dating Scout’s relationship expert, believes online dating during the pandemic has definitely changed some of the dating ground rules that we used to know and follow. For one, video chatting on the first date seems to suddenly become more acceptable and reasonable now than it was before. It also has become an effective alternative to get to know someone during these strange times.
While video dating is the closest simulation to a face-to-face meeting and it has added a layer of security for online daters, she cannot foresee it having many consequences even when strict government protocols are lifted.
She only suggests people might choose to hop on a quick video chat before going on a real date. “Seeing the other person’s face helps you thoroughly assess your match. And even better, you did that without leaving the safety of your home. Once you are 101% sure of the spark, you can gradually schedule meet-ups,” says Celia.
Like Celia, Shahzeen Shivdasani, author of Love, Lust and Lemons, believes things will go back to normal. “There is nothing like a real date. No matter how we like to spin it, physicality does matter, and not just in terms of hooking up, but actually having the person breathing in your space,” she explains.
That being said, she thinks removing the physicality as a date factor can actually be beneficial at the beginning of people’s relationships. They might actually enjoy a proper conversation and be more open to seeing where it could go. This can lead to a stronger bond between daters and even a relationship after the lockdown.
But a piece of advice from Shahzeen is not to take things too seriously. In fact, people should take advantage of video dating at the moment. Getting your flirt on, keeping your spirit up and meeting someone you find interesting is her advice to anyone feeling unhappy or lonely during these difficult times.
“If I was single, I would totally be on virtual dates,” she continues. “Why would I wait for months to meet them? I would a hundred per cent meet them on a call to have some fun and pass the time while in quarantine,” she says laughing.
But one thing Shahzeen wants to highlight is the importance of people learning to love themselves - no matter if the date is virtual or real.
“Loving yourself comes with respecting yourself. Don’t back down on what you want, deserve and what someone can give you. If they are short-selling you and it’s not what you want, walk away. Don’t waste your time,” says Shahzeen.
The pandemic might have ruined people’s travel plans, left many in a financially unstable situation or taken away the pub gatherings with friends, but the one certain fact is that it will never stand in the way of love [or at least people’s need to meet new people].
*The name has been changed to protect the identity of the interviewee